I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan; very pleasant have you been to me; your love to me was extraordinary, surpassing the love of women.
David's song has mourned a defeated army and a dead king; now it turns to one friend and speaks to him as though he could hear. What made Jonathan's love "extraordinary," and why did David compare it to the love of women?
From a nation to one man
Jonathan fell on the same heights he had once climbed alone against the Philistines.
Samuel RidoutBut now the eye of love turns to his own dear friend, the one whom he loved as his own soul. Jonathan had been killed on his high places. He had bravely climbed the high places alone to face the whole proud army of the Philistines. Now he is a victim. As he thinks of him, David's heart pours out fresh sorrow.
What made the love extraordinary
One explanation is that Jonathan's love asked nothing back for itself.
H. L. RossierOh, how the tender heart of the son of Jesse valued the affection of his friend! His was a completely selfless affection. Affection between a man and a woman can only be that with difficulty. Jonathan had stripped himself of his dignities, his glory and the bow of his strength. He gave them to David on the day of his victory over Goliath. Then, with all the warmth of his convictions, he had pleaded his friend's cause.
Another explanation looks at the comparison itself, and at what it says about men and women. (The quote below uses an older wording; the ESV reads "surpassing the love of women.")
C. KnappJonathan's love to David was "wonderful, passing the love of women." Strength is the distinguishing mark of the man. Affection is that of the woman. Husbands, in the New Testament letters, are often urged to love their wives. The main charge to wives is not that, because love is more natural to the woman. She generally exceeds in love. Jonathan's love for David exceeded even that. Oh, for more eager devotion to our David!
The praise that covers a gap
Jonathan never left his father's court to share David's exile. One writer hears David hinting at this, gently, in the way he praises his friend.
The Bible TreasuryYet David could only hint, in the most delicate way, that Jonathan never gave up his position with his father for David's sake. Jonathan never followed him into exile, as Samuel and others did.
Another writer says it plainly, and draws a rule from it about giving.
W. T. TurpinHe gave his possessions, but he kept back himself. Oh, think what he kept back! He gave all he had; he stripped himself. It is a wonderful appreciation, I fully admit it. It is beautiful in its own way. But he kept back a thousand times more than he gave. And be sure of this: that is how God measures every gift — not by what a person gives, but by what he keeps back.
Love valued even when it fell short
David does not weigh the friendship and find it wanting. He calls it wonderful. That says something about how the Lord takes our love for Him.
George DavisonAlthough David did not have Jonathan's company in his rejection, he certainly valued Jonathan's affection… We may be thankful that the Lord values our love to Him, and the desires of our hearts towards Him. He values them even if we are not fully ready for the path of rejection He Himself walked. Yet how much more He values the affection that is prepared, if need be, to suffer for Him, and at all times to suffer with Him.
A friendship that outlives the grave
The lament ends in loss. But David does not treat the love itself as lost.
Samuel RidoutThank God, love remains, and this love of David to Jonathan does not have over it the cloud of hopeless sorrow that rests over his father. It is love that has lived through the ages. It has given us a model of human friendship: a love tenderer than that of lovers, sweeter than that of women, the love of two strong, manly hearts, made holy by a divine love. All true Christian friendship has in it a permanence that can never be lost, even when for a time it must weep. And above all, how good it is that He of whom David was a picture is not ashamed to own His beloved people as friends. How surpassing, how wonderful, how tender is His love! Thank God, we shall never be called to mourn the ending of that.
Summary
- Personal — The song mourns a nation's defeat, then narrows to one name. David's sharpest grief is for a friend.
- Selfless — Jonathan's love asked nothing back. He stripped off his own glory and handed it to David.
- Surpassing — Love comes more naturally to women, and women generally exceed in it. Jonathan's love went beyond even that.
- Incomplete — Jonathan gave his possessions but kept back himself. God measures a gift by what we hold back.
- Enduring — David praises the love anyway. The Lord too values love that falls short, and values more the love ready to suffer with Him. He calls His people friends, and that friendship we will never mourn.